Throughout the years, since I was very little, I had friends, lots of them, only to know they would vanish from my life completely, forever. Some of the reasons are acceptable, but the other reasons? Fuck off. Let's talk about the important ones.
I have no idea how, where or when I got this hell of a curse, but the only real friends i've had back then were the ONLY ones who reached out to me, not the other way. I was a happy kid, a very happy dreamy and ambitious kid, who would often stumble into other people's lives, wether it's for good or bad reasons. With time I would start making friends on a loop, because I have moved several times from one country to another for years.
I was born in Chile, while 95% of my family being there, I moved with my father, my mother and my sister to Argentina in 2007, where I would spend most of the time growing as a little grain of sand compared to what is Argentina's capital city population. While these countries were next to each other, the constant demonic screeching that is the inestability of both countries throughout the years has forced my family to move from Argentina to Chile, and viceversa couple of times until 2014, where I finally settled in Chile one last time. My experience? It sucked, not only because I had fake friends, but because I was victim of several bullying cases.
I have never in my ENTIRE life attended the same school twice. Every year, new school, and it fucking sucked. Having to be on chronic anxiety during the beginning of classes because I had to introduce myself every single time, not knowing if I would make friends or make it another case of "retarded reasons to hate this kid". What's the worst part of this? The worst part is that this behavior resonates with the rest of whoever was around, as a tribal instinct on who to trust and who to recognize as the enemy, no in-between. As I said before, what would eventually happen is what i've said before.
I know we are talking about little kid's behavior and such, but it WASN'T only the kids behaving like I was part of some terrorist group who did war crimes agaisnt their country. While part of it is true, still,
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HATE ME FOR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED 200 YEARS AGO?
And here is the revelation, people didn't give a fuck. They all hated me collectively because Chile was involved in a war with Argentina and so on, not only the Argentinians are very patriotic, but they also have a double-edged sword relationship with Football/Soccer, which is another layer of arguments to hate me while I existed. Actually, both sides are, it's just that the situation is so retarded it's the reason the relationship between both countries is either love or hate depending on the topic.
Back in 2014, during the concurring FIFA World Cup hosted in Brazil, after getting my country eliminated from the tournament by Brazil, I said to myself, I am fucked.
Not only I was going to be reminded about it the next morning at school, but I would get publicly humiliated by letting everyone know I was Chilean. but I did go to school eventually, and it happened. Irrational, constant mind-fucking bashing towards me, even though I supported both countries. but what happened when Argentina was in the tournament's final match against Germany? I had to shut the fuck up for the sake of my life, as they lost to Germany. As simple as that, sometimes passion can go overboard and make you a horrible person when something goes wrong, but this level of wrong where I could have been beaten up for a Football match is beyond retarded. Everytime I was involved in any social activity, it's either war, or Football that would make people go apeshit towards me.
Now, I'd like to talk about some curious (and retarded) cases where I actually got to experience friendship, and well, almost in some cases.
One of them, taking place in 2013, I had what I wished for, which was a best friend.
I'd do all sorts of stuff with him, and people for once respected me. Until the thing happened.
I was discussing with him because he wanted to move my backpack somewhere else because it was tearing his Angry Birds Sticker Album, while I was about to do it, my backpack fell off with some of the pages of the Album, which he adored.
While this is my fault, what happens next is what made up my conclusions for the rest of the decade
I will be alone, forever.
Shortly after that, of course he was mad, and I tried to comfort him while feeling this gut-wrenching guilt, only to tell everyone in the class what happened afterwards. What did happen? Everyone instantly started hating me after he would trash talk to everyone about me. that was fucking it.
I was fed up with the bullshit of constantly making enemies out of my control.
You treated me like your best friend only to end it all because of a bunch of fucking papers? I wouldn't say fuck you, but after what you've done to get your very rewarded "revenge", fuck you. I did not have a chance to talk to him ever again.
It's December of 2013, classes were wrapping up, and eventually someone sat next to me, talked with me, and as soon as I look over, it was the popular kid of the class. Not only he talked with me and complimented me despite everything that happened surrounding me, he asked to be friends, and I accepted.
I finally had someone again, but what would happen if the story repeats?
Guess it didn't. We became close friends, until school ended, I had to move back to Chile, and wave a last goodbye to him, as we did not have any form of contact.
That was it, the one of the very few people to actually reach out to me, and ask to be friends, who was genuinely a good friend, I lost him. It was too early yet too late for our friendship to expand, it just vanished into thin air, forever.
It's 2016 and after all these events, I moved to Spain, where I currently live in.
Let's say, that the experience was not the same, I became friends with numerous people throughout the years and still have them in my life, despite them not talking to me very often.
I was starting to be happy.
Then covid-19 happened, which for some reason made me acquire more friends, crazy shit right here. while the lockdown during pandemic fortunately did not affect me as much mentally, its after effects did, and it fucking sucked once AGAIN.
It was October 2020, I dropped out of Computer Informatics and Networks classes for stressing the fuck out of me, and for an even worse experience, I did not make a single friend, except one dude, who was the most ambitious and kindest dude who treated me like a brother.
I remember the last day I was in that school, I entered the classroom one last time to pick up my stuff and leave for good, until I hear from him "Good luck, Alexsandre." words could not express how heartbroken I was as I was not capable of even facing front because I was about to cry the whole moment. While I did have contact with him, I, for a very stupid reason, I decided to not talk to him as I was not relevant in his life anymore, and probably wouldn't want to deal with me, someone who constantly needs someone to vent towards.
To this day, only less than 5 people have proved being geniune people by reaching out to me in the first place, but I lost them all, once again.
It's late 2022, and I made a friend on Steam, after countless previous attempts of doing so! He reached out to me after I posted a comment in a My Little Pony Steam group. We had a good chat for a first encounter and we became good friends quickly. The only inconvenience is that he would go dead silent for weeks, for a particular reason he wasn't willing to tell me, until he finally did.
He said he was given less than 3 months to live due to a terminal illness hosted in his heart, and I once again, couldn't take it anymore.
We talked for a bit before he disconnected once again, He told me he was suffering, but would do anything to fight for his life and have a chat with me.
I've met many people, but this dude? He rocks. Absolutely faced this situation like the craziest bitch in the world, and I loved it.
You might be wondering, how is he? Well, I don't know, but his last appearance was 8 weeks ago (as of February 2023), enough to conclude that more than 3 months have passed since he told me what was happening.
The last time we talked, he wanted to know my name, and oh boy, what a spectacle.
We had the same name. and we couldn't stop laughing because of that silly little coincidence. Afterwards, he tells me that he is not religious, but he will pray for me, that same night. And while I wasn't religious either, I did not pray for him, but did something better: Make him proud.
He was happy, I was happy, and that's all we needed to conclude this story, as he might be dead by now, who knows. Maybe he will message one last time, I hope.
Wherever he is now, I hope he is at peace, as he made me feel when he was around me. If there's something I'd tell him, is Thank you, you did not only make me happy, but treated me miles better than almost anyone around me for a whole decade.
To conclude, I have lost friendships I never believed to have gotten, and I made enemies I will unfortunately remember forever. But that's okay, because I am happy that the fact is proven, and that will last forever. As I like to call it:
Good people attract good people.
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